The Supreme Court Justice fell and broke three ribs on Thursday leading almost everyone in late-night to the same ridiculous conclusion as to the cause.
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg fell in her office on Wednesday night, fracturing three ribs, and immediately the comedians in late-night were working overtime to find ways to protect her.
Also, oddly enough, almost all of them came to the same conclusion as to how she must have broken those ribs: skateboarding. Because when you think of an 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice, of course you’re picturing her skateboarding around the Capitol.
Ginsburg was admitted to the hospital on Thursday morning after reporting discomfort, according to CNN. She has become a symbol of the so-called "resistance" against the Trump administration as one of the strongest liberal voices on the highest court in the land.
Ginsburg has previously stated she intends to stay on the bench for several more years, and the late-night hosts are prepared to do whatever it takes to keep her there.
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert"
Stephen Colbert went with the direct approach, offering up his own body in service of his country. "Does she need ribs?" he asked. "I’ve got ribs. She can take mine. Somebody get me a pair of pliers and a bite stick."
But then comes the next problem, as he’s only got so many ribs to give. "Forget a black robe, she should be dressed in bubble wrap and carried down the hallway like a Fabrege egg," Colbert concluded.
Ginsburg should also consider some lifestyle changes, according to Colbert. "You’re 85 years old. It’s time to let go of your extreme sports lifestyle," he told her through the camera. "For god’s sake, no more skateboarding to work, no more alligator wrestling, and I must insist you back out of you role in ‘Creed II.’"
Thankfully, he had graphics for all of those things.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Jimmy Kimmel came to the same causation conclusion, saying, "This is what happens when you skateboard without a chest pad. You have to be careful."
But then he found an unintentionally hilarious video of televangelist Pat Robertson wishing Ginsburg well, but suggesting that she might be over the hill and it’s time to say goodbye. "Have you seen yourself on television, Pat?" Kimmel asked. "If she’s over the hill, you’re under it."
Then, he introduced his own strategy to keep Ginsburg safe for "like maybe 80 years," the Ruth Bader Ginsbubble. With his Ginsburg impersonator safely inside, it was a giant inflatable ball that would even keep her safe if a strong wind blew her into a river. It’s only weaknesses at this point are a lack of bathroom facilities and doorways.
"The Late Late Show with Jame Corden"
Describing her as "one of the strongest liberal voices on an increasingly conservative Supreme Court," James Corden wished Ginsberg a speedy recover. No he really wished her a speedy recovery.
"We all want to wish her a speedy recovery," Corden said sincerely and perhaps a bit too earnestly. "A very, very speedy recovery. Incredibly speedy. Ruth, I cannot emphasize quite how speedy we would like this recovery to be."
He also jumped to what must be the most logical conclusion as to how she broke her ribs by saying, "That’s it, no more skateboarding in the Supreme Court offices."
He went on to note that "even Donald Trump is wishing her well. As a show of support, today he ate three McRibs."
In all honesty, though, he doesn’t think this injury is going to slow Ginsburg down much at all. "I bet Ruth Bader Ginsburg could still do her job without those ribs," he said. "Ted Cruz has managed to have an entire political career without a spine."
"Late Night with Seth Meyers"
Seth Meyers only touched on the topic of RBG’s injury briefly, and in fact, had a hard time believing it was her who’d fallen and hurt herself. "If you had told me a Supreme Court Justice fell over and broke some ribs, I would have bet on the new guy," he said showing a clip of Brett Kavanaugh saying, "I like beer."
There are a lot of those clips.
But Meyers may have had the best solution of all, as the Ginsbubble is impractical, and nobody wants to be coated in bubble wrap. For one thing, no one would get any work done for want of popping all those little bubbles.
According to Meyers, though, Ginsburg’s "staff is planning to redo her entire office in Nerf." Now that is an ingenious idea, and a new market direction Nerf should consider to tap into that senior citizen demographic.
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