“But out of nowhere, the world was heavy on my shoulders,” Cardi recalls.
Cardi B has revealed she had postpartum depression after giving birth to Kulture Kiari Cephus last July.
In an in-depth interview with Harper’s BAZAAR published Thursday, the rapper spoke about the mental and physical struggles she’s faced post baby and her on-again-off-again relationship with husband Offset.
"I thought I was going to avoid it," the "Bodak Yellow" singer, 26, said about postpartum depression. "When I gave birth, the doctor told me about post-partum, and I was like, ‘Well, I’m doing good right now, I don’t think that’s going to happen.’ But out of nowhere, the world was heavy on my shoulders."
Cardi explained that she hasn’t hired any professional help to take care of Kulture (or KK as she calls her) because she isn’t sure if she can trust anyone besides her family. When the hip-hop star, who had planned to tour with Bruno Mars last fall, realized she couldn’t take her child on the bus with her, she dropped out.
Although Kulture is now almost 7-months-old, the "Money" rapper told the publication she is still struggling to feel like she did before she was pregnant.
"For some reason, I still don’t feel like my body’s the same," Cardi said. "I feel like I don’t have my balance right yet. When it comes to heels, I’m not as good at walking anymore. I feel like I’m holding a weight on me. I don’t know why because I’m skinnier than I’ve ever been. But there’s an energy I haven’t gotten back yet that I had before I was pregnant. It’s just the weirdest thing."
Mariano Vivanco/Harper’s Bazaar
Cardi didn’t post a picture of Kulture until December and hasn’t posted another full photo since. The Bronx native told the publication that she and Offset questioned showing her off to the world. "As soon as she was born, one month in he [Offset] was like, ‘She’s so beautiful. Watch how people gonna go crazy," Cardi recalled. "’Cause a lot of people were saying mean stuff, like that we don’t post her because she’s ugly. He was like, ‘I’m about to post my baby right now.’ But then we were very concerned because we were getting a lot of threats, so he said, ‘The world don’t even deserve to see her.’"
Cardi and Offset broke up in December, however, they have since reconciled, per a recent report from TMZ. The Grammy-nominated artist told Harper’s BAZAAR — in the interview likely conducted well before TMZ’s news of a reconciliation — that her decision to split with the Migos star, which she publicly revealed on Instagram at the time, was one she made for herself.
"I decided on my own," she said. "Nobody makes my decisions about my life but me. I didn’t want to go to marriage counseling. He suggested it, but it’s like, ‘I don’t want to go.’ There’s no counselor or nothing that could make me change my mind."
When asked by the fashion magazine whether or not she would get back together with Offset, Cardi said, "I don’t think so" and "Who knows? You never know, you can never tell." Although Cardi recently said the couple are "workings things out," a reconciliation hasn’t officially been confirmed by either of them.
Her love life aside, there’s no doubt Cardi has had an incredible year in her career and it doesn’t look like she’ll be slowing down anytime soon. The "I Like It" rapper is nominated for five Grammys this Sunday and recently announced a Las Vegas residency.
"I feel like my life is a fairy tale and I’m a princess — rags to riches, people trying to sabotage," she said. "Before, I cared about everything — relationship, gossip. Now I don’t feel like I have the time to please people. I don’t care about anything anymore — just my career and my kid. Well, I care about my career because of my money."
The March 2019 issue of Harper’s BAZAAR is available on newsstands Feb. 19.
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