Be patient and understanding with each other as you work through your differences, says rediffGURU Dr Ashish Sehgal.
Remember that both partners need to compromise and work together for a successful and fulfilling marriage.

• Ask rediffGURU Ashish Sehgal your relationship-related questions HERE.
  

Do you feel stressed all the time?

Are you worried about your relationship with your partner or friends or colleagues?

Or maybe you just want to work on yourself and become a better person.

rediffGuru Dr Ashish Sehgal, who has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor, can help you with your concerns.

• You can post your questions for rediffGURU Ashish Sehgal HERE.

Anonymous: Hello Mr Ashish, I had arranged married since last once year.
I already told them before proceeding that I want to continue my career and grow forward in the same city. Also, I want to live in a joint family along with my parents.
My spouse is working in government sector. She told me that her job is transferrable and she is ok moving forward and living in my city along with parents.
I am working in MNC at good position and also supporting my family members.
Problem: My wife is forcing me to live separately, shift to another city and start from scratch (zero) in different state having different cultural and traditions.
She is also working in government sector and not taking transfer to spouse (husband’s) city.
Even after explaining couple of times, she is resisting to re-allocate. I am ok if she does anything independently for earning in same city. I will help her in getting the job in private sector in the same city.
I will get her employed in another sector through my contacts and preparing her.
I am not dependent on her in terms of financial things.
We are living separately due to work duties and spent less time together for a week in every month or two month as per the adjustment from both of us.
My spouse is not talking properly to me, blocks me, adds me to blacklist and is threatening me to get separated and take divorce.
I already had financial and social liabilities on myself which my wife is aware about.
I had not seen positive responses from her towards myself, my family and goals.
I am ready to live separately in the same city irrespective of the fact that she’s earning or not.
This is impacting my performance at work.
Question: It looks high danger to me to move to different parts of the country having different cultures starting from scratch based on assessments on different parameters. Also, she does not want to take the household chores responsibility.
How can be of sure that I can trust her for co-operation in an unknown city?
What is the better solution for this?

rediffGURU Dr Ashish Sehgal: Hello! It sounds like you’re facing a complex and challenging situation.

It’s important to address these issues with care and open communication.

Here are a few steps you could consider taking:

Open communication 

It’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse.

Try to understand her perspective and the reasons behind her resistance to moving to your city or taking up a job in the private sector.

Share your concerns and feelings as well.

Having a calm and respectful discussion can help you both reach a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and concerns.

Seek professional help 

If communication isn’t resolving the issues, it might be helpful to involve a professional such as a marriage counsellor or a therapist.

They can provide an unbiased perspective and guide you both through productive conversations to find solutions that work for both of you.

Explore compromises 

Is there a middle ground that you both can agree upon?

Maybe it’s possible for her to find a job in the same city even if it’s not the same sector. Or perhaps you could discuss a timeline for her to explore opportunities in your city.

Finding compromises can help address both of your needs and concerns.

Consider long-term plans 

Think about the long-term implications of your decisions.

Moving to a new city with different cultural norms and starting from scratch can be challenging, especially if you have existing commitments and a stable life where you are now.

Evaluate the pros and cons carefully before making a decision.

Do not ignore your personal and professional goals

It’s important to keep your personal and professional goals in mind.

You have worked hard to achieve your position and support your family.

Make sure any decisions you make align with these goals while also considering your spouse’s desires and career aspirations.

Financial independence 

You mentioned that you are financially independent.

If your spouse is also capable of being financially independent, discuss how you both can contribute to your shared expenses and responsibilities, regardless of where you live.

Future planning 

If moving is inevitable, plan ahead. Research the new city, its job opportunities and lifestyle.

Think about how you can support each other during the transition and beyond.

Time and patience 

Complex issues like these take time to resolve. Be patient and understanding with each other as you work through your differences.

Remember that both partners need to compromise and work together for a successful and fulfilling marriage.

It’s important to prioritise open communication and mutual respect. Understand each other’s perspectives as you navigate through these challenges.

If the situation becomes increasingly difficult to handle, seeking professional help can provide guidance and clarity.

• You can post your questions for rediffGURU Ashish Sehgal HERE.

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